The Longest Night - Part 1

Joshua knew this was going to be his last encounter with Tejal. He had not expected to meet her again, especially in Florida. Joshua had labeled their previous meeting – ‘The longest night.’ Even after five years he remembered that night as if it was yesterday. A good narrative should always have irony. It is the irony that captivates the audience and keeps them interested in the story. A story is good if there is irony. The irony of the longest night and the irony of the present day was what made their story.

Tejal had come to visit Joshua with her kids, Rahul and Sapna. The security allowed them to meet only for ten minutes, on Amey’s request. Tejal was still trying to figure out, why she was there. Flying all the way from New York to Orlando, It was unlike her, as she had never made decisions on short notice. She despised flying. She was angry. The mental rage and conflict, that she had just ten minutes with Joshua, after crossing all the social, traditional and connubial boundaries. There was lot of catching up to do. Why she is married, why Joshua in the current scenario, what happened that night, why there was no phone call. She had a lot to talk and demanded answers. Life can be funny and all you could do is laugh over the irony and the helplessness. We need answer to questions which can’t be put in words.

As soon as Tejal entered Joshua’s room, Amey got up to leave. On the way out he greeted Tejal. She completely ignored him, and with the faint tears in her eyes ran towards Joshua, and hugged him. Amey knew he would greet her later. The kids where excited to see Amey mama – uncle. Joshua smiled, looking at Tejal, returned the hug and he kissed her on the lips. He always took the liberty of kissing her on her lips, without considering her position. Amey noticed it, had no reaction. Joshua, rolled his hand over her stomach and said as he always did, “See, I told you…you will always be one of the most beautiful person I have met in US. I love the way you carry yourself, even if you have turned into a typical Guju house wife…. I am so happy to see you and your kids. They are adorable.” He smiled and glanced, continued. “Which one is adopted?” She was in tears now, and replied “Bastard….. Sapna.” Amey took Rahul and Sapna out of the room.

Joshua had spoken to Tejal that morning, after five years. He had requested her to come to Florida, by agreeing to pay for the tickets, and insisted to come with her kids. It was late in evening he was waiting eagerly for Tejal. As he was waiting he was thinking about the night, he had last seen Tejal in New Jersey, five years ago.

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Beset by his ironies, Joshua was laying next to Tejal, who was asleep. They had made love, just hours ago. It was Sunday, round eleven, in a small New Jersey town. He had got up, couple of hours ago, due an early morning phone call from his parents, heat and a bad migraine, after sleeping only for an hour. Tejal was submerged under a thick blanket, sound a sleep. Though covered under the blanket, Joshua, could effortless visualize her naked body. He could see, the contours of her body, arms shielding her breast, the freckles on her back. He knew her body well, every scar, every cell, very well. Just three hours ago, his naked body was her blanket. Just three hours ago, every cell in her body was vibrant, filled with lust, filled with awareness. Awareness that in mere minutes, the lust was going to turn into exhaustion; a physical and mental exhaustion. Joshua, could smell Tejals, he knew her smell, the smell of her sweat and perfume. But this smell was mixed with smell of sex and dry October Jersey heat. Joshua and Tejal had very few physical encounters, but both made love passionately. When it came to intimacy, Tejal was the alpha male. Tejal commanded his moves, by strong hand and eye gestures. She commanded her positions, by her body language, which Joshua adored and was always, submissive. Their physical chemistry connected them. Both never accepted the love for each other, as both where uncertain of their mental disposition. They never tried to label their relationship and had mutually agreed to call it friendship. That Sunday morning, sitting besides Tejal, staring at her for over three hours, he wanted to disagree to prior agreement, as that night he had realized love is blind.

In Tejal’s book of relationships, every male friend who does not met her criteria of a significant other, is a friend or a good acquaintance. Friend who can be forgotten, by saying: good riddance. In Joshua’s book of relationships, every female friend can be a significant other, if and only if she accepted him, with his clumsily and over enthusiast nature. Who can be forgotten, by saying: ethos is important. Boys are immature, insincere and promiscuous. This was her excuse for all the broken relationships. Girls are over judgmental and over possessive was his excuse for all the broken relationships. For him, time was the best tool. For her, self derived mental checklist based on past experience was the best tool. Both had well rehearsed answers, if questioned by their Indian decent, concerned parent on their plans of getting married. Both knew their defensive strategies well. But both knew, they where alone and dearly missed a companion in their life. A companion, not just for their physical wants. A partner, to whom they could surrender and beg for emotional support and motivation. Both knew, through their individual experiences, friendship was surely not what they where on the quest for. Getting married was their sole desire. But getting married to someone they accepted and top of all met their individual self derived criteria. If all the boxes on their checklist where checked, then love was imminent. This was corollary to their theorem of relationship.

For Joshua things had changed - his fears had come true. The lust had turned into love. He knew this, from his past. This was not for the first time in his life. No idealist, lateral or pragmatic thinking can ever explain the blatant power of love. That morning, he had sudden urge to re-define his feeling for Tejal. His physical cupidity was overshadowed by compassion. He had not considered this possibility. Suddenly he noticed the blanket did not cover her body, leaving her bear back exposed. Winter or summer Tejal always used quill in the night. He quickly tucked her into the blanket. He carefully studied his sudden reaction, and felt content. Content by the fact that there was no covetousness in his action. His hands did not run over her body. He laughed and said to himself– “Never under estimate the predictability of stupidity.” That night he was not worried about rejection, but Tejal’s position. Just few hours ago, Tejal had mentioned her heart break, and desire to be disconnected with any emotional feelings. Hence he knew it was stupid to devour his mind with such a possibility. He knew, Tejal would say “I don’t look at you that way, you are just a friend.” He said it out loud, assuming Tejal will hear him in her sleep, “I don’t think this is just friendship. I hope you know that - I like you." The irony… It was killing him on that Sunday morning.

Couple of hours ago, while they were having serious discussion on their relationship, Joshua had expressed his feelings to her. He had expressed to her how desperately he wanted her. Tejal had expressed her feelings to him. She had expressed to him how emotionally disconnected and confused she was. Joshua had said in simple words, - “I love you, Tejal.” Tejal said, “I like, that you bring upfront, and telling me. But Josh, you don’t know me and what I am going through. You don’t know my perspective. Lets keep the family pressure aside for a minute, as I know even you are going to the same. Hence surely that is not my excuse, to engage in a romantic relationship.” She paused lighted a smoke and continued, “Josh, I am not over my ex, I think I am still in love with him. Sometimes guys can be so insincere. Bastard knows that I love him. I keep on calling him. Joshua was laughing in his mind. He lighted a smoke and finished his glass of scotch, and started into her eyes. Here, is a girl, talking about the guy and explaining how difficult it is to stop thinking about whom she loves, to a guy who had expressed his love for her. How little a person thinks of the other person, while breaking up? Joshua knew this feeling, as he could just laugh, and think about his breakup with Payal, after four years of healthy relationship. This time, for Tejal it was some Krish, for Joshua it was Tejal. But Krish was a third entity. Confused! But well aware of the irony. Joshua smelled the void in the air. He hugged her, without a reason. Tejal hugged him back, felling the void. In China they say, when you are confused, sleep and whenever in doubt, fuck. It was easy and the best short cut. This was universal law. Kings, CEOs, Students, managers, boyfriends, girlfriends, athletes all around the globe used this strategy. Sex and sleep was cathartic. Joshua’s spiritual inkling, Tejals traditional stronghold was of no use. Confusion, coupled with conflicting cultural upbringing, Chevas Regal and the sexual tension lead to sex, and then to siesta. By the time they finished their passionate act it was nine in the morning. Both slept like babies, cuddling each other, completely naked. But, Joshua got up, after an hour because of a phone call. His parents always called him, on Sunday, with whom he didn’t talk, and ignored the call. The dry October heat, coupled with the smell of sweat, sex and perfume mixed with migraine, bunged him of going back to bed. The universal law had failed! And the thinking started.

What are her expectations or was this just lust. Joshua was in no mood for one night stands. He was done playing that game, and had moved on. He had rejected girls, who just wanted to sleep with him. It was a false ideology, after a certain age, it was difficult to sleep with somebody, where there is no emotional connection. Yet sometimes one fails to be centered and slips. Joshua had slipped couple of times, that year. Joshua had his own share of one night stands. He was promiscuous, so was she. They knew they were promiscuous. She knew he was promiscuous and he knew she was promiscuous. They knew each other knew that they where promiscuous and they hated it. But their maturity told them, that they didn’t have the right to question it. Monogamy was norm in relationships, but not expected in friendship. That morning, which was still the same night, as he had not slept – Beset by his ironies, Joshua was laying next to Tejal, who was asleep. Problem had started. Their story had turned interesting.

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Joshua was one of the few Hindus with a Jewish Mother. He was part of the majority, but didn’t eat shell sea fish and beef. He was one of the Hindu in the population of over eight hundred million, who had a Jewish mama as godfather, and had a Bar Mitzvah. Majority or non existing minority was Joshua’s namesake irony. Ram A. Choudhary was his registered name in Loalla Convent High School and Delhi University in India. Joshua A. Choudhary was his registered name on his blue; Ashoka Chakra embossed Indian Passport, University of Pennsylvania and ABC Studios in Philly. Where he came from, respect for elder was demanded, girls were over protected, life was lead with traditional and cultural belief which were never questioned and just followed, this was the conventional wisdom. His strong disposition on questioning the conventional wisdom was despised, yet envied by his Indian friends in Pune and Philadelphia. Pune was his home, where his heart was. Philadelphia was his new home away from home. Both cities, where known for their Universities. For Joshua, Education equated to maturity and experience to success. His outlook had changed, for good or bad did not matter, as there is no absolute measure. Where he came from, the stereotype was, girls who had boyfriends, smoked, consumed alcohol or had sex before marriage where labeled promiscuous or worst, sluts. Hypocrisy was expected. Where he came from the stereotype was, girls who had boyfriends, who consumed alcohol, who spoke in the quintessential queens English, and who had sex before marriage where labeled upper class, or better, forward. Where he was currently from, the stereotype was, girls who did not have boyfriends, did not drink or did not have sex before marriage where labeled losers or worst, nerds. Hypocrisy was expected. Where he was currently from, the stereotype was, girls who did not have a boyfriends, did not drink or did not have sex before marriage where labeled as conservative or worst, backward. Ten years, with two years of UPenn education and four years of corporate American experience, had made him to reevaluate his core thinking paradigm. American or Indian was his irony. Where he came from, he had to switch off his humanity switch, and accept the apparent disparity. He was made to believe poor people are poor because they are not hard working and passionate. Social Leftist by heart, but capitalistic by mind, was his conflict. He was made to believe luck and fate was immature ideology. Hypocrisy was expected. What goes around, comes around – the karma, and was Vedic philosophy. Spiritual inking and America had made him to change his past prejudice. He believed in luck, and randomness. He believed in being at the right place at the right time. Hard work and passion won’t take you where you want to be. Yes, hard work and passion is mandatory. But luck played an integral part in ones pursuit for happiness. Ohh…the confusion. Conventional wisdom holds that past memory, is like a serial recording device, like a computer diskette. In reality memory is dynamic – not static, like a paper on which new text or new revisions of the same text will be continuously recorded, thanks to the power of posterior information. Memory is more of self serving dynamic revision math: you remember the last time you remembered the event without realizing it, changed the story at every subsequent remembrance.

Joshua knew that human will believe anything you say, provided you do not exhibit the smallest shadow of difference; like animals. They can detect the smallest crack in your confidence before you express it. The trick is to be smooth as possible in personal manners. It is much easier to signal self confidence if you are exceedingly polite and friendly, you can control people without having to offend their sensitivity. The problem with conventional people, Joshua realized, is that if you act like a loser they will treat you as a loser – you set the yardstick, yourself. There is no absolute measure of good or bad. It is not what you are telling people, it is how you are saying it. But you need to remain understated and maintain an Olympian calm in front of others. Joshua knew this very well. “You, sly bastard…” Tejal told him all the time, knowing is wiliness.

Tejal was one few Hindus, whose family settled in America forty years ago. She was never part of the majority and didn’t eat shell fish, beef or chicken. She was one of the Hindus in the land of three hundred million Jewish and Christians who celebrated Diwali and Thanksgiving. Majority or non existing minority was Tejal’s namesake irony. Tejaswini A Mehta was his registered name in Townsend Harris High School and City University of New York. Tejal A Mehta, was her registered name on her blue Eagle embossed American Passport, New York University and Citi Groups in New York. Where she came from, respect for elder was demanded, girls where over protected, life was lead with traditional and cultural belief which where never questioned and just followed, this was the conventional wisdom. Her strong disposition was not to to question the conventional wisdom. This was respected, yet envied by her Indian friends in New York. New York was her home, where her heart was and always be. There was no home away from home. For Tejal, Education equated to success and experience to maturity. Indian or American was her irony too. Her outlook was same, for good or bad didn’t matter, as there is no absolute measure. In her house, the stereotype was, girls who had boyfriends, smoked, consumed alcohol or had sex before marriage where labeled promiscuous or worst, sluts. Hypocrisy was expected. In US, where she grew up stereotype was, girls who had boyfriends, who consumed alcohol, always spoke in the American English, and who had sex before marriage was conventional.