Tejal woke up late in the afternoon with a hangover. She had her famous stoic expression on, as if nothing had happened, or changed. She had invited Joshua that weekend to help set up her new apartment in Edison. Tejal had moved from Brooklyn to Edison. The New York City taxes, and the city expenses were taking a toll. The city girl was going to experience suburbia life, for the first time. Tejal had helped Joshua move, two months ago from Phili to Newark, Delaware. They didn’t meet those two months. They seldom spoke on the phone. Most of the conversations lasted a few minutes and they would end up fighting over some banal issues; How the perspectives did not match or who is more rigid or egocentric? Joshua's favorite was - How she is always in denial, because of her past. Tejal's favorite was how he was over enthusiastic. Joshua had his own friends, and travelled for work. Tejal had her family and the Manhattan desi parties. That evening, Joshua was tired and wanted to leave but was just waiting for Tejal to wake-up. He knew about the stress one experienced during a moving day, and decided to stay. Their eyes met briefly during their laborious unloading endeavor. Smiles were passed. But they hardly spoke due to the tiredness and the hangover which had lasted from the previous night. Exhausted and mentally fatigued he sat on his Ducati, at four. She complained, but understood. On the way back he took the Turnpike, racing the traffic on the US 1. The New Jersey Turnpike led all the way to his house, and just before Phili airport, he had to take exit for Newark, Delaware.
The previous evening, they had worked for hours unloading and unpacking. That night before getting into a serious discussion on their relationship, they had casually flirted while unpacking; on the floor; in the bathroom while installing the shower curtains; on the kitchen counter. She showed him, her family pictures while arranging them carefully in her living room. She made him remember her family by name and where they lived in US. “You're like Matt Damon's character in Good Will Hunting. How the fuck you remember all these names, addresses, roads. What amazes me is that you remember phone numbers, your credit card numbers, account numbers. How do you do it?” Joshua was sharp and had a lucid memory. She was always testing it, to get amused. He said, “It's simple, I remember numbers on the phone dial pad. Like the way you type without looking at the keyboard, your fingers just fly over the keyboard.”
Soon after Joshua left, Tejal stopped unpacking. She was tired and unwounded on the bed, where they had made passionate love, that morning. She blushed. She remembered, what Joshua had said that morning, before she had passed out. She remembered their first date, in Manhattan; the walk in the Village, on the cold February winter night. Her right arm inner locking his left. She remembered sipping Shiraz, in Washington Square Park. She laughed remembering, the way he had swindled the wine along with the glasses during dinner, from the Thai restaurant near NYU. She remembered, sharing with him, her childhood days in Manhattan before moving to Queens, while pointing out to the hospital where she was born. She remembered her first bike ride, the way she kissed him. It was the classic Alisha Silverstone stunt, which she practiced for hours in dark gullies of Philly downtown, while flirting on the bike. She remembered, the previous night, their flirting, on their kitchen counter, the fake mahogany wooden top acting as the catalyst to their excitement. She remembered his soft lips, his gentle way of kissing. She remembered the way he had said, ‘I like you’; his eyes filled with compassion. And the way she had rejected him that night. That Sunday evening, sitting on her bed, staring at his picture, for hours, she wanted to disagree to their prior agreement. That evening she had realized love is blind. Suddenly, she got up to light a cigarette, and walked around in her empty apartment, savoring the smoke. Suddenly she remembered, overhearing Joshua talking while she was asleep “I don’t think this is just friendship. I hope you know that - I love you, Tejal." She though she was dreaming. That evening her feeling had changed – her fears had come true. The lust had turned into love. She knew this from her past. This was not for the first time in her life. No lateral or pragmatic thinking can ever explain the blatant power of love. But wait. “Is this really, what I think it is?” Assurance and reassurance. She ran to the phone, to call Joshua. There was no answer. She called him again, over and over, messaged him. There was no answer! There was no answer for days, for weeks, for months, for years. For the second time, in her life – she had to move on, with a bitter taste.
Joshua was at his exit, when Tejal had called. He slowed down, to pickup the call, and moved to the right lane, and stopped just before the exit, over the shoulders on the I95. He saw it was Tejal. At that very moment life took a turn. A car hit him, which was also taking the exit, and could not see the Ducati, as it was in the car’s blind spot. The paramedics arrived, in couple of minutes. Joshua was flown to a hospital in Philadelphia. He was at the mercy of god at the Mercy Hospital of Philadelphia. Joshua was blind sided, by the impact; before she could tell him, that 'love is blind.' Joshua went into coma that evening. He finally slept that night. The tyranny of longest night finally ended. Then, he didn’t know that he will sleep for longest time in is life. They say, while meditating one goes into profound state of supper consciousness. During his spiritual practices, Joshua had experiences a deep sleep, but with awareness. This was not meditation. Coma, derived from Greek word Koma means deep sleep, without awareness - a profound state of unconsciousness.
Joshua's Parents moved to New Jersey, that week. As soon as they received the call from Mercy Hospital, detailing Joshua’s critical condition – they took the first flight to Newark, New Jersey from Bombay. His father, was retired a General Manager at Kinetic. Mummy, was a well known lawyer in Pune - who give away her name and fame for love, in a heart beat. The lady of limited words had told him, “Josh, remember – ‘pyar pe duniya kayam hai’.” ‘World is based on the foundation of love’. Hustling, they had come from rags to richest. Just couple of years before, Joshua’s accident they had decided to take it easy and where well settled in their lavish bungalow, in Sindh society. America was not new to them. They visited Joshua every year. Joshua had told them “Consider Philadelphia, as your second home. You are always welcomed without any prior notice. I just want you to nock before entering. I don’t want you guys to see me in an awkward state with my friend or friends…I know you know what I mean, Papa.” But this visit was not like others. On the twenty two hours long flight from Bombay to Newark, Joshua’s mother was induced with doses of morphine, as she was getting anxiety attacks.
Initial years where difficult. But Joshua’s family lived with hope and immense self confidence. It was time to test their core principles. Hona hai too hona hai; ke sera ke sera – ‘what has to happen will happen, accept it.’ Principles: to accept all situations with courage. One values the person the most in their absence. Joshua had gone through this when he first moved to America. His respect for his family grew stronger while in US. Tejal, experienced this after her father’s death in a fatal accident. Joshua’s parents experienced it when Joshua moved America, and while he was in coma. Every day, before their dinner staring at the empty dinner chair and plate, they missed him - included him in their prayers. And every day was filled with hope for a better tomorrow. It was difficult, for them, especially away from home, where there was no family; to support them in their grief. Shobha, had to take medication for her depression, which took a reverse tool on Papa and Asif, Joshua’s brother. But life went on, as it always did. Past will always be the past. It slows you down, but it is important to come back to the present as quickly, as possible. History, is just a good narrative. In retrospect, narrative will always have a logical conclusion. Love and luck, is random, and one always gets fooled by it, in an attempt to find causality.
In America, Shobha started her law practice again. Her target was the Benz, who nearly took Joshua's life. An affluent owner of a famous restaurant chain in Downtown Philadelphia and who was driving under influence, that night. The case was simple, but was the laws where different; as the country was different. The American optimism and Indian heart paid high dividend within a year. Shobha won the most important case of her life, and this one was for love. It was a jackpot for half a million dollars. The win was broadcasted by all the local news channels, in Philadelphia. Tejal missed it, who was just couple of hours away from Philly. She had moved on. Joshua’s family celebrated the victory in his room. Shobha invited his friends from Philadelphia to ABC studios, from Delhi University to UPenn. But Tejal was not invited. Tejal did not exist, for his parents. First time in Joshua's life - he had not mentioned about his girlfriend. Nor did he have any pictures, in his room; the room, which was filled with pictures of his family, friends, and all the girls he had dated. Tejal’s picture was on his cell phone, which was crushed, in the crash, so was her heart, which had come out of the state of denial, only for one day. Joshua wanted to propose to her in Paris. In the same city, Papa had purposed Shobha. In the same city, Mr. Mehta and Mrs Mehta went after Tejal was born. Twenty seven years ago. In the same city, were Tejal and Joshua had first seen each other. Both where of same age, and shared the same birthday. Their eyes had met briefly in Paris, on their birthday – while searching for a familiar skin color and similar American Indian accent, at the Hotel Bistro, in downtown Paris. Their minds wondered if they are Indian. ‘Indian’s staying in Paris; Indian’s from India or England or America or West Indian islands.’ Tejal had mentioned to her American friends, that night, “Girls, I want him, as my gift; tonight.” Joshua had mentioned to his American friends, “Hey, that girl is a really cute. I think she is Indian. Should I ask her for a drink. Is that common culture here in Paris?” On the flight back from Paris, they sat next to each other. The co-incident surprised them. After introducing - both had said “Desi, how interesting!” They spoke at length, on the flight. Tejal flaunting her French and broken Hindi which had a thick American accent. Joshua flaunting his, eloquent way of making up stories. Paris was just the ice breaker. It was Manhattan that brought them closer. Tejal sometimes used to mention in sweet rage, rolling her eye, “I had to search for a brown skinned guy in Paris on my birthday and to my luck; I find you.”
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The dinner was set up in Joshua’s hospital room, with an extra, but empty chair and empty plate. Entire family spent the night with Joshua in the hospital. Mummy slept hugging him, on his bed. She cried the whole night, slapped him with anger, and kissed him with compassion. Joshua did not react. Brother, Asif slept on the chair next to the bed, starting at him in rage and anticipation. Joshua did not react. Papa was sitting by his legs, wondering. The man could not cry any more; but was hopeful. Hopeful that one day the father and son would go bar hoping in Greenwich village- as they always did, when he visited him. But that was not the day.
Joshua was moved to Florida Hospital in Orlando, a month after the case. The hospital was famous for its coma care and was a non profit hospital. Joshua's mama, Mr. Shaw leaved in Orlando, and owned a Motel on Orlando's famous International Drive. Florida was big change. A change Asif and Papa were waiting for. Shobha engaged herself in teaching meditation, at a retirement home. Asif helped Jim in the motel business. Papa started an Indian glossary store, and eventually after three years an Indo-French restaurant on the strip with Asif. They named it, the Zahir. It was Joshua’s favorite novel, and also their Zahir. Asif was a good cook, and owned an upscale restaurant in Pune, which had sold for the brotherhood, and moved to Philadelphia - the city which had got its name, for its brotherhood. Orlando was their home now. It took them less time, then Joshua - to forget Pune. American or Indian was their irony, now. Busy was busy - days and sometime months went by without talking about Joshua. The visits to the hospital reduced. But still the chair and plate was empty on the dinning table, before every dinner. Past was past, and life goes on. Joshua’s accident had slowed them, but they had come back to the present. So had Tejal. She married a year after Joshua’s accident. She tried Joshua’s cell on day of her marriage. She had nothing to talk, even if he had picked up the call. But again, there was no answer. Life can be funny and all you could do is laugh over the irony and the helplessness. We need answer to questions which can’t be put in words.
The infamous India backup alternative called - arranged marriage. Her checklist had many crosses, but one has to follow the script. Very few, especially from the subcontinent can dissent mediocrity. As mediocrity was covered by the blanket of traditions and Tejal was traditional. She had to give up under emotional pressure. Her father’s death had accelerated her mother expectations. In or out of denial did not matter - it was Dr Patel, to whom she pretended to date for five days. Pragmatism as always; won over individualism. Her brother was a doctor, her brother in law was doctor and now, her husband was a doctor.
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‘Change is permanent;’ but over four years had passed. Joshua had shown no signs of recovery. He had moved his figures couple of times, but it was an unconscious action. This was common amongst coma patients. Medically, it did not carry any significance. Hopes were fading out and turning into fears. The doctors had no answers. Amey joined Florida hospital that summer. He was the beacon of hope, for for Shobha. She used to say to Amey, “One day some unknown love will bring back my Joshua to. It would an unexpected shock.” Amey was in med school, studying at the University of Central Florida. He had joined Florida Hospital’s residency program. A strange feeling of knowing Joshua passed through Amey’s mind, when he had first seen him. Amey knew somewhere he had met Joshua or seen him. Somewhere…sometime ago. Amey visited Joshua every day, and used to watch him closely. It was just two weeks, since Amey had joined Florida Hospital, he noticed Joshua attempting to move his hand and spoke something. It had happened before, but for the first time in five years Joshua attempted to speak. Amey did not understand those words, but those two words had changed the entire landscape of the hospital. Joshua was well known in the Florida Hospital - he was the youngest, cutest and the most harmless patient for last four years. The nurses flirted with him, all the time, while changing is cloths, taking him for a walks, and kissed his soft lips countless time. Even in coma – he was decadent. The entire staff, that day was talking about Joshua, and those two words. Amey personally called Shobha, who had not visited him for over a week. The entire family, spend days in the hospital, after that incident. Eventually Joshua opened his eyes, for a while; spoke some words. The reports showed progress, indicating signs of coming out of the unconscious state. It was the sweetest September, of Shobha’s life. The recovery was gradual, but the hopes where high. Within a week, Joshua was out of the unconscious state, and was talking – but was not receptive. Mummy, had again given up her voluntary work, in heartbeat for love. The Zahir was closed down.
Joshua was completely out of temporary lapses, but he still could not move, or talk to for a long time. But by now, he knew or was made aware of the present and the past. Joshua cried for couple of days – but was matured to enough to understand that - he was lucky. Lucky to be alive, lucky to have parents who sacrificed every thing they owned, lucky to have a brother who gave up his adulthood for the brotherhood, lucky to hit by a driver who was driving under influence, lucky to select high premium medical insurance policy, which covered his huge medical expenses. Redemption was not an obligation, but a willful choice.
For Shobha – it was a new beginning. The sun was shinning earnestly over Florida hospital – in the sun shine state. The Zahir was back in business. Joshua was getting ready to leave the hospital and stay with his family after thirteen years. Within a month he was showing good signs of recovery, under Amey’s medical supervision and moral support. He was able walk, run, and talk to strangers at length. He had also started flirting with the nurses; who no longer saw him as harmless cute Joshua, but as a sly cute Joshua. Joshua’s life had evolved; ironically while he was sleeping. His family owned a lavish town house on in Orlando, now; owned Indo-French restaurant on the International drive. He was an American resident and soon would hold an “In god we trust,” American passport, with an Indian visa, and will start living with his loved ones in a country he called home; the home away from home. His education or experience, did not account for his growth or maturity; these where relative linguistic terms, now.
But there was no closure. This unclosed chapter of his life hit him when he was back tracking the accident. Mummy was talking about Mercy Hospital, and the months in Philadelphia. He had asked her, “Where is Tejal.” “Tejal” she replied with a perplexed look. “Never mind.” He replied and thought about the longest night. In his recollection, he saw Amey. Tejal had shown Amey’s picture that night, while arranging her apartment. He remembered, she mentioning Amey – her brother studying at Temple, soon was going to join the Med school, after his graduation, with major in Physic and minor in Economics. Suddenly he, remembered her phone call while he was on Interstate, but then he also remembered, that five years had passed. The Black Swan in his life started bothering him.
The Black Swan is not just a metaphor: until the discovery of Australia's common belief held that all swans were white such belief was shattered with the sighting of the first cygnus atratus – a black swan. The Black Swan is not a simply a problem in logic, but an empirical matter concerning the occurrence of usual event; an outlier or an exception that have the property of carrying a large impact. Another one of its attributes lies in its character of surprise. In the arts, it can correspond to a piece of work that, unexpectedly, captivates interests, spreads like wildfire, and dwarfs other contributions. Retrospective determinism, is a vicious mental process, also called the hindsight bias, in which these Black Swans become explainable after the fact, owing to the unconscious use of posterior information. Today, in retrospect, Joshua –has a string of logical inferences. One: the want; and not need of a partner. A partner, to whom he could surrender and beg for emotional support and motivation. Two: low odds of meeting someone and getting connected on a flight. He did not search for causality, on the flight but just capitulated. Three: her denial, lead to his inquisitiveness. Ultimately was he was fooled by randomness, both by love and by the Benz. In his undergrad he had learned, a system works in close approximation to ideal state, if it has a robust feedback loop from the output to the input. The circuit should always, be complete. Closure for him, was of primordial importance. He had to talk to Tejal. It was easy, as his mind was still as sharp. Not only he remembered her phone number, but also he had recognized Amey. He just could not gather enough courage to talk to Amey. Joshua had started admiring Amey. He had helped him to recovery from the shock, and made him realize, that the accident was his good karma. What goes around comes around. It was November, an entire month had pasted, with the thought of confronting Amey.
A day prior to his discharge, he asked his parents to leave him alone. He wanted some time. Time to step back briefly into the past. Time to gather courage to face the present. That morning he spoke to Amey and expressed his heart out. Joshua helped Amey to decipher, his curiosity. He told him, how he knew him, saying, “You must have seen me Tejal’s leaving room, in one of her picture frames.” He told him about Tejal and their covert relationship. He told him, his feelings for Tejal. He shared some bits of the longest night. It was Amey, who suggested him, to call Tejal. Amey had put it in a simple word– “Mere Yaar, pyar pe duniya kayam hai.” ‘My friend, the world is based on foundation of love.’ Joshua had heard that before. It was Amey who dialed Tejal’s number, which had changed. Joshua, spoke to Tejal that morning after five years. He was tears, when he heard her voice. He said, with his hands trembling due to uncertainly, “What up, my dear. My American guju bhen.” After hearing heavy breathing for brief time, he heard her sob. He knew; no introduction was needed. He told her every thing, except that he was in coma for last five years. He told her, he was in the hospital, and that Amey is his doctor, who gave him her number. He kept the conversation short, and told her to come to Orlando, catching the earliest flight. He did not bother to ask if she was free that day, but just instructed to come and will take care of the expenses, if it was a problem.
Tejal had come to visit Joshua with her kids, Rahul and Sapna. The hospital security allowed them to meet only for ten minutes as it was pass the visiting hours. Amey had made a special request to the hospital management, before their meeting and they had permitted ten minutes. Tejal had a lot to talk and demanded answers. Life can be funny and all you could do is laugh over the irony and the helplessness. We need answer to questions which can’t be put in words. First few minutes pasted, crying and hugging. Joshua told her, the story, in his eloquent style. He tired to be funny, but failed, as Tejal could not stop her crying. She was in stock. She demanded time, to understand and grasp the seriousness of the scenario.
At the end his story he asked her, “By the way – Why did you call me that evening.” Enough was enough. She could not take it, anymore. By now, she had broken down, completely. Joshua got up, from his bed and offered her, the hospital bed to lie down. She did, as he inculcated, politely. Tejal had not spoken a single word. Joshua got up and walked to her bag; searched for a cigarette. He opened his hospital room window, light the cigarette after five years. Savoring the smoke, he looked at Tejal; who was now sobbing profusely on his bed. After the smoke he walked up to her, hugged her. Slept by her side, and kissed her forehead. She opened her eyes, said in broken voice, “I had called you, to say ‘love is blind.’ Joshua, and we need to re-define our relationship.” It was his turn, now. Both could smell the void. They say in China, when you are confused, sleep and when lost, wonder. Both spend the next ten minutes, questioning their fate. They did not speak.
It was Sapna, and the security staff that brought them back to the reality. Sapna was crying, and the security staff was knocking on the door. Without a word, she left his room, sobbing. Amey hugged her outside Joshua’s room and took her home. Amey slept on the couch, while Tejal and the kids slept in his room. That night Amey put the kids to bed. While leaving his room, Amey hugged Tejal, and kissed her goodnight on her forehead. Before closing the bedroom door, all Tejal said “Thank you, Amey.” Both Joshua and Tejal did not sleep that night. The next morning was a new beginning. Finally home. Finally, after five years, the empty plate and the chair will have a recipient.
Tejal and Amey, came to see Joshua in the morning. Both did not speak, that morning. Both knew it was their last encounter. They had got their closure. Life was not funny anymore, but brutal. It did not need any answers, as there were no questions. Shobha noticed the glow on Joshua’s face, that morning, when Amey was introducing Tejal and her kids, to them, as his sister and nephews. He said –“Tejal and the kids are visiting me for the Thanks giving.” Shobha knew it was the same Tejal. The Tejal who had had got back she Joshua.
It was raining that November morning. In India they say, when it rains in November, something good or something bad is going to happen. Joshua stepped out of the hospital in the rain for the first time in five years. Alongside his parents and Asif, he walked towards his parent’s car. Tejal and Amey had tears in their eyes as they watched them walking towards the parking out. Joshua moved to open the passenger door but his father stopped him – handed him keys and pointed him to the Ducati, and said – “The present moment is inevitable…go enjoy.”
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